Thursday, December 01, 2011

shocked, outraged and bitterly disappointed...

We faced this type of opposition back then.  Twenty nine years ago we went shopping at a mall in Oklahoma City, Oklahoma.  A young blonde salesgirl asked Tom if she could help him with a pair of shoes.  After getting him settled she asked if she could help me as I wandered around looking for another pair for Tom to try on.  When I said "that's okay... we're together" she went into the stockroom and didn't come back out.   We were refused service at a restaurant in Missouri.  In Kansas, back in 1985, when our first child was stillborn someone asked our pastor if it was because we were being punished by God for being a biracial couple.  We moved to California in 1988 and left all of that behind.  There we found more couples like us and our children grew up feeling they were part of a normal typical family.

Spencer and Nathan

When our oldest, on the right, was asked at age 5 by a neighborhood kid why his mom was black he quickly answered "because God made her that way!"

I am shocked by this church's stance.  Outraged.  Bitterly disappointed.  Maybe these people have not read their Bibles.  Maybe they don't know that Moses was married to a Cushite (Ethiopian)?  Surely their Bibles include the book of Numbers.  Maybe they just haven't read chapter twelve?

My prayer is that Stella and Ticha can find a more loving congregation to be a part of.  I pray that they know that not all Christians think this way.  I pray that they will have a long and loving relationship and that this bigotry does not stand in the way of that.  And I pray that when they are counting down the days until their 30th anniversary this will be just a dim memory.



  1. and this is why we don't attend a CHURCH-----they instantly JUDGE which is why this world is so Fucked up! sorry for my outrage babe but i'm with ya...shit....i'd tell them to lick my left black buttcheek! so not worth the community of FAKE church people

  2. Anonymous8:40 AM

    This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

  3. Anonymous8:42 AM

    Sorry, I had a few misspelled words had to delete first entry ..

    I read about the Kentucky church and those that agree with it shall suffer due to their prejudice sins...and the deeds of their evil hearts: I cannot judge them that is but the position of only one that can judge Justly...I can know a man < church > by his fruits and if his fruits are not of the Spirit then I am required to not fellowship darkness...and remove myself .... I believe in church...God has stated in His Word to not forsake the assemblying of the saints .. there are a lot of excellent churches full of Godly people...I'm not going to allow one or two to bring me to disobedience of God's Word...we need to take on the nature of God and forgive and extend longsuffering for those ruled by the powers of darkness...Jesus died for them also!

  4. Anonymous9:11 AM

    How horrible! It seems the world does not change and things like this continue to happen. I hope everyday people will change and see we are all the same, we are all brothers and sisters, created by the same God. And when I see Religious communities rejecting people this way everything fades away.
    I am married to an Egyptian, Muslim and every day we face glances and weird comments. In 2011. It's crazy.

    I pray for this wonderful couple and for all interracial couples in the world facing hatred and disrespect.
    Thanks for sharing Alida, thought it's disturbing, It has to be known.

  5. i am shocked, outraged and bitterly disappointed too. it is a shame and on the day of judgement they will realize just how they weren't any better than the sinners they condemned.

    i hope they find a church that accepts them and that they have a long, happy and healthy relationship.

  6. That just breaks my heart. How can people find justification for such judgment and rejection in the words of Christ? It is just tragically sad.

    You and your husband were pioneers. Not the first, I know, but you married at a time when such discrimination was sanctioned, in many places by law. You are heroes of faith.

    My own son is biracial, and my daughter (adopted from China) just had a beautiful biracial baby with her African American boyfriend. My kids come from a variety of ethnicities and cultures.

    Here is a funny story. When my daughter was pregnant, she asked me if I was disappointed that my grandchild would not be white. (She often speaks before she thinks!) I replied, "Well, if you look closely, you will see that I'm the only white person in our family, so what do you think?!"

    Thank you for bringing this story to our attention so that we can hold this church in our prayers.

  7. I do think it's important to speak up. But I almost didn't. I try to shy away from controversy but this time I couldn't.

    I don't understand how someone can claim the title Christian, which means Christ like, and not be loving or accepting. I think this church would have refused membership to some of our Bible heroes and that grieves me.

    There are some good churches out there...we have found some very healthy places along the way.

  8. Maybe I need to take some time to process this before i comment...but this literally makes it hard for me to breath while reading this! Being an interracial family, this hurts my heart to read. Thank you for sharing though ~ shows that we definitely need to pray regarding this area.

  9. I am very disappointed to hear the news too. I seriously don't understand how people can act this way... it is 2011! There is just no excuse for that kind of behavior... so sad, to see this couple be so mistreated. I have witnessed with my family (2 cousins and and aunt & uncle) people can be so hurtful. I do hope they find other open minded people to worship with. Prayers going up for them :)

  10. Anonymous2:23 PM

    I read about that.. This is horrible and i agree a outrage.. :( That is not christian like at all!

  11. It's a very sad situation in this day and age...the church is supposed to be accepting of everyone!! And I couldn't agree more with the father!! It's the devil working but we cannot give the devil too much control!! Thanks for sharing this!!

  12. I do agree with you that this is shocking, outrageous and disappointing. My children and I have been studying post civil war segregation and Jim Crow laws. It is shocking to see a statement like that in this day and age.

    I'm wondering if that church will be facing a law suit soon.

  13. I feel you on this...really i do?
    My first thought was how can christians do something like this? You're christian in name only not church there should be no differentiation and yet there is because we are influenced by our culture instead of the other way around.
    I must also echo California is more forgiving (for lack of a better word) with interracial couples - I would have never known until I moved here. Sometimes I feel like an exception since the norm in terms of race is so varied.
    Anyhow - love conquers all. Happy 30th to you and your husband when it arrives.

  14. Excellent assessment Alida. There will be lots of surprised souls shocked to hear "Depart from me I never knew you." As I posted on my FB page today, I don't know how people can think that God is pleased with them harboring hatred in their hearts.

    My husband was due to become a preacher and introduced a former black girlfriend to them. They disinvited him once they met her. They demanded to be shown Scripture to justify their decision. You know they could not find a Scripture because they knew none was in the Bible. They had to admit it was a personal decision. How they think they are behaving like Christ boggles the mind. Like I said, many are going to find themselves surrounded by heat when they thought they would be going upwards. Nope, detour down.

  15. “i like your christ. i do not like your christians. they are so unlike your christ.” gandhi

  16. preach it sister.

    And I just want to say that I am so sorry you were ever treated that way. My white mom and black step-dad were refused service in a restaurant in Washington State in 2002. Just last year someone said that my mom's marriage fell apart because God was punishing her for "mixing races". I gave that person a piece of my mind and then some. It is just not ok.

    It is bullying, racism and hatred and there is just no justification for that.

  17. Were you at Penn Square Mall or Shepherd Mall in OKC to buy shoes? Them peoples raciss!

    Srsly, as an Okie, I am very sad to hear that you experienced that then, and I do hope that if you do happen upon the beautiful city again for your podiatric needs, that you'll have a better experience.

    Thank you for being willing to write about controversial material. I'm pretty much with Vic on this one. And, yes I would use this as a measuring stick by which to judge a congregation because silence implies acceptance and if the congregation is silent, then that is not a group I would associate with.

    Silent assent is the keystone of oppression and intolerance.

  18. My best friend in grade school was Indian, the first boy I ever kissed was African American, and my best friend in high school was Japanese. I never saw color, I saw people...fantastic people. I am among those SHOCKED to hear of stories like this, but I am deeply saddened when it is the church. It saddens me for how poorly we reflect our gracious, sin baring Lord to the world that needs Him. I have seen far too often that what is offered up to be feasted upon is the rotten flesh of a cold, prideful hearts rather than the love of our satisfying Bread of Life. Useful words for me to grab a hold of and meditate on today, "Do not be overcome by evil but overcome evil with good." Thanks for sharing. I love your heart.~

  19. As an Okie, please accept my apologies for the super-rude shoe lady!
    I hate, hate, hate this. But I guess there are still some hillbillies around that cling to ignorance. Hopefully they will come around someday. They are sure making Christians look bad.

  20. Outrageous, to say the least! What biblical ground could they possibly produce to support this absurd idea?!

  21. After some prayer and alot of forgiveness....I finally have words to say :0) Here is the link to my response