Friday, February 17, 2012

I surrender what is convenient for me...


The most important thing that we surrender is our own self-- our desire to control our lives. Of course, we don't surrender and go into a vacuum. We surrender something in order to cling to God only. Surrender is the means to enjoying more fully the most beautiful thing in our lives--our joyous love relationship with God.
~Ajith Fernando from his book The Call to Joy & Pain

I would love to be able to say to the world that I am fully surrendered to His will and that I cling only to Him.  That sounds like the true heart attitude that a missionary should possess.  But, honestly, I don't fit that ideal.  I still nurse a childish desire to control my own life.  I cherish comfort. What I really want is a surrender that doesn't require sacrifice.  If I could just rest assured that all things will turn out according to what I think is best it would be easier to give Him control.  Do you ever feel that way?

I have a deep desire to be able to say (like Paul in Galatians 2:20) "I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me.  The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me."   I love singing the words to the old hymn I Surrender All.  However, I know my head is saying "I surrender what is convenient for me".  

As each day of 2012 ticks by I understand more about why my word for the year is Surrender.  There is still so much more for me to relinquish.  There are still so many areas of my mind and heart that need to be transformed into His image.  Tom teaches that authentic forgiveness is not an event but a process.  I am convinced that true surrender is also a process and not an event. As I mature spiritually I realize how much more of my self there is to let go of before I can claim to have been crucified with Christ.  

God stays the same as we grow up spiritually...but we change.    

Stage one of my surrender began when I was ten years old.  I went forward to the altar a few weeks after Easter back in 1973 and gave my life to Him.  At 16, I renewed that childhood vow.  At 21, I learned about Christ being Lord of my life and not just my Savior.  By the age of 35, I came to realize just how much I don't know or understand about His mercy and grace.  Today, a few months shy of 49, I acknowledge that I still have far to go.  God is not finished teaching me and molding me into the person that He has called me to be.  



 What stage of surrender are you at in your walk with Him?

9 comments:

  1. im constantly going in and out of my surrender to God...it's a journey for sure!

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  2. Surrender is a simple word but one that is not easy. Like you I am finding more and more places that I have yet to give Him full access.

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  3. seems like this is a constant struggle...can't wait 'til we get to heaven, but until then in Gods strength i'll keep trying...

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  4. How true and so meaningful. Going to ponder on the one word this week!

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  5. Surrendering is a lifetime of doing it. I am like you, when I always need to surrender and depend on God

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  6. Surrendering takes all that we have to give and more and a lifetime to do it in. Like learning, it is not something that starts today and ends tomorrow; it goes on and on.

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  7. To deny self and surrender all is a decision we have to make everyday, even if it costs everything, and by denying ourselves we are afraid we will miss out. So true for me; I know that I have a lot more spiritual maturing to learn so that I can trust and surrender all!

    Great post!
    Blessings and hugs,
    Denise

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  8. thank you so much for the reminder, Alida. "I still nurse a childish desire to control my own life...What I really want is a surrender that doesn't require sacrifice. If I could just rest assured that all things will turn out according to what I think is best it would be easier to give Him control."

    YES. i am struggling with this right now - and so needed the reminder to call it what it is...a lack of surrender...

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  9. There is nothing that has taught me "surrender" to the Father more than a teenage son who said, "You can't make me do it. I have to want to." And then watch him learn the hard way, while interceding - surrending the situation to God, trusting in Him to pursue Him, to bring this son to Him. Yes, it is a journey. I think when we don't surrender, things happen where it really isn't a choice - a knees-hitting-the-floor, breathing and hope with every inhale and exhale, realizing we are helpless and only HE can fix it!

    My littlest guy likes to play "Opposite day" where he'll say something sweet like "You're a great cook" pause "Opposite Day" - and just laugh. I think surrendering is an opposite day kind of thing - it just doesn't make sense this side of heaven - but like running, the more you do it, the easier it gets:)

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